Miesiąc: lipiec 2018

Znowu pogryziona

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Wstydzę się już jeździć z nią do weterynarza. Już poprzednim razem pani Kamila powiedziała, że to musi być kocia masochistka. Ale łapę ma teraz tak spuchniętą, że niestety będzie seria zastrzyków.

Warto przeczytać

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Rzadko kiedy o agresji pisze się tak, że widać jej ogólnie destrukcyjny charakter. Może dlatego, że drobiazgowa analiza tego, czym jest agresja, ujęta w słowa może jednocześnie stać się podręcznikiem agresji. To tak, jak najlepszymi specjalistami od bezpieczeństwa informatycznego są byli hackerzy. Osoby o najbardziej wyrafinowanym myśleniu w kwestii tzw. luk w systemie. Perfekcjonistami w dziedzinie manipulacji atrybucjami, wspomnieniami innych osób, ich samoocenami są psychologowie społeczni. Pamiętam, jakim paradoksem było dla mnie w SWPS, jak moja b. dziewczyna, która studiowała psychologię społeczną pokazała mi wykładowczynię, która zawodowo zajmowała się tematem agresji. Byłem trochę zszokowany, że osoba ta miała tak wyraźnie wkomponowaną w wyraz twarzy emocję wstrętu charakterystyczną dla psychopatów.

Znam jednego z autorów niniejszego tekstu i z tego, co zaobserwowałem to jest po prostu człowiek bardzo twórczy intelektualnie. Podejmuje niemal każdy znany światu, ludzkości, nauce temat, by określić, wyznaczyć jego pojęciowe ramy w sposób możliwie wyczerpujący. Przyznam szczerze, że mnie to nie raz zadziwia. Ponieważ w tym wypadku tzw. wyczerpanie tematu, gdy patrzę na ten potężny dorobek intelektualny kojarzy mi się niemal jednoznacznie z wyczerpaniem intelektualnym, duchowym, niemal fizycznym. Choć nie wyczuwa się tego w tekstach to zakres, jaki wyobraźnia musi objąć, czytając takie teksty może stanowić wyzwanie kojarzące się z wyczerpaniem.  Dobrze mi się czyta te teksty, ponieważ widać za nimi strukturę pojęć i całą hierarchię abstrakcji, czego nie ma na ogół w tekstach psychologów.

Psychologowie zachowują się tak, jakby przed ich tzw. empirią nie było dosłownie niczego. Nie było fizyki, nie było Newtona, Einsteina. Traktują lingwistykę na równi z prawami natury. Psychologia współcześnie ma granice za szerokie, badacze wykazują płytkość sądów, patrząc z grubsza na strukturę ich myślenia abstrakcyjnego. I stąd często radosna twórczość w obrębie tej strutury i radosne badania empiryczne na ten temat. Psychologowie ogólnie, zasłaniają się modelem wnioskowania statystycznego, wymaganiami statystyki tj. wielkość próby, plan eksperymentalny, hipotezy, poziomy istotności, metody weryfikacji hipotez, schematy losowania, doboru próby, ale umyka im w tych matematycznych w zasadzie kompleksach (dosłownie to są dla mnie jako wykształconego jednocześnie ekonomisty kompleksy takie jakim dla Freuda był kompleks Edypa czy Elektry – to po prostu widać i już, widać, że ktoś miał z matematyką czy statystyką kiedyś problem i dzisiaj za dużo udowadnia w pracy naukowej ale bardziej, że coś umie w sensie – metodę, a nie że zarówno logicznie, jak i statystycznie jest w stanie czegoś dowieść) sedno myślenia, badania, umyka im zdolność prowadzenia systematycznej obserwacji, bo wykresy muszą ładnie wyglądać i tabelki muszą zawierać oryginalnie zestawione dane i symbole statystyczne, które mają mieć w sobie atrakcyjność niemal na poziomie atrakcyjności ludzkiej. Zamiłowanie do marketingu, kłamstwa i manipulacji zastąpiło na dobre poszukiwanie prawdy i agresja to już nie jest strategia przetrwania. To jest pewna moda tych czasów. Bycie agresywnym jest sexy, a bycie kreatywnie agresywnym to klucz do biegłości w sferze przewodzenia innym jako lider czy liderka rewolucji seksualnej środowisk gejów i lesbijek. Gdy ten świat poszedł już tak daleko, trudno powiedzieć dzisiaj, z czym można byłoby się tutaj nie zgodzić. Chyba ze wszystkim. Patrząc na to, co faktycznie jest, co panuje na świecie, w social media itd.

Kiedyś zaproponowałem prof. Kobierzyckiemu pojęcie wypalenia tożsamości podczas I Międzynarodowego Sympozjum Naukowego Kazimierz Dąbrowski i Jego dzieło we współczesnej psychologii. W dn. 18-19.10.2013. I to był jedyny człowiek z tytułem naukowym, który zrozumiał, o co mi dokładnie chodzi.

Niektore_modele_ludzkiej_agresywnosci

People

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Thanks for comments occasionally. I know that you read and read a lot. I have met with thousands of people around the world in my life and I think I understood them, how they feel, how they see and I have some talents to tune to many topics as well as a skill of writing. I can write by day and by night, when sleeping or driving a car without any fatigue so you get sometimes a lot of my observations. Some are very personal as have to be to settle my accounts with people who forgot that if they fuck to me, fuck in to my life or judge me they should first at least see the whole story of me and around myself, all complexity that induced sometimes so many negative but justified emotions, then try to understand me, try to talk with me and then if necessary judge me.

In reality the poorer observer and thinker the easier they judge. And I never owe someone else a revenge. So some parts are new, pioneering, some are past but never revealed to a greater audience or some people discounted it earlier because they knew me. I have for example a big diary from China never transformed even into a scrap of a book or to be a part of my blog.

 

I published many texts in my life but scientific. And have hundreds ideas, notes and texts I did not. And it is totally not worth to do it. Some self-disclosure pieces I share now are a mixture of old and new about me. But I am not going to share anything revolutionary this way. I am a very jealous person about my property so also my ideas, creative concepts that I see as worthy I never reveal and wish myself to discount them for my own good, first. And I have right to do it no matter the fact that in Poland communist customs survived and exert enormous pressure to make creative people share everything. I disagree with that movement. What I share is or negativity, or clear signals to particular people or some parts of me I decided to be known publicly due to being judged and suspected to be:

  • non-professional in what I was talking about

I am rarely accused to be a thief. Of other people’s identity or ideas. However I encountered also such accusations but mainly by people convinced that I have hurt them in the past when often I did not see anything unclear in my attitude or actions or those who as a rule attribute me to the same river like my father that politics is often perceived and me also to be the part of it. This is hostile bullshit, insult, offence and simple primitive fuck up every time you do it in your mind. Not when you say it. When you say it it is too far and too late to fix whatever. The problem begins in what you start to think and why. And here are roots of stereotypes that threat personalities, integrity of entities, here lies the most cruel manipulations of politicians, here lies the silent agreement who will be punished, excluded, persecuted etc. I recognized it since childhood as I read minds of people well even if they did not say a word to me. And I know who is who to me since I developed mentally enough in communication. As a child first word I sad was „drzwi” (door) and after that I started to talk in Polish fluently. I was such a child and that’s it.

So to see anything common with someone else than me is something I completely do not understand. First, there is nothing like inheriting public titles, roles etc. even in collective Poland. Second, I am not responsible for faults of other people even if I am a relative to them. What’s more it is their responsibility and if it involves different people it is even not my business! Another thing, many people may be 10 times more familiar with what sees my father or other family member than myself. So being surprised that I do not know something, I do not feel to be part of something is just another discovery that such people have shallow minds. Content of my consciousness is the matter of my personal relationships from my life and people met and I introduced myself to them as myself. And I can respect only such people and if even I can love only such people.

I always ignored in my private life people who perceived me:

  • as a son of someone,
  • as someone who appeared to be this or that due to opinions of other people,
  • etc.

So people from Ryki or even from some schools like in Puławy were always ignored by me intentionally. Because they most often presented the worst distortions in how I was perceived personally because too much related to my family, too much focused and concerned about them and their allegedly perceived the importance of my family in my life or not – just to listen to them (another issue – it is not your business – for me as a psychologist even when someone come to me to ask for professional advice – for me to ask particularly about someone else family would be maybe something to ask after minimum 4 hours of attempts to understand a person particularly – I experienced most often in Poland that attention of everyone from 5 years old to 85 turns directly towards my family issues as if it had to be the great scam, robbery, identity theft not just a respectful attempt to have any psychological contact with me – seeing me in my more or less complexity immediately is just sick and is typical Polish way of thinking!), accept as a person etc. And those I ignored and thrown out from my life first and I am no longer interested in them still. To maintain a conviction I am in any kind of relationship with you may turn out to be dangerous one day. Believe me now before it is not too late. Stop seeing me as a son of someone else for your own good and mental health because I never wanted anything from you, nothing of your property and any kind of resources. I do not need your time, energy, advice, anything, nor rewards, public titles – even 100 public rewards from President of Poland would mean NOTHING to me. Only due to how I always felt in Poland as a person, as an introvert. I would rather prepare a gigantic lawsuit against Poland in general as a totalitarian entity that crushes down my personality every time I stand on my own legs. You stay fucked to me in  fact you have any kind of convictions about me and my relationships eg. to someone else from my family what may turn to be dangerous for you because you enter totally areas that you completely have no right to look at it. Not saying to share your opinion about, to comment on advise or suggest and intrigue about anything to become more important than what in fact is. Another monster Polish shit – to comment on someone else life. Like a communist institution to guard the social order and how everyone adapts to totally unnatural personal situation. And to paint it easy to swallow as a positive social change, as a milestone in the creation of civilized world! I did not study economics, did not graduate this degree and did not publish so much if I really believed in communism! If anyone found myself as the opposite had an interest in destroying me personally. As a person and personality for own comfort and convenience of own social influence – like Trzebiński to continue to feel comfortable with own prejudiced thoughts he found it the easiest thing to destroy me first. A professor specializing in trauma psychology. Extremely funny. I almost shitted myself laughing! Most of people in the world have some families. And it is not surprising that I also have some. But my decisions located me 535 km from Warsaw only. If I had even a few reasons to stay I would. But if I did not it means there happened something seriously damaging to my values, mind, to how I feel happened and happened repeatedly in order to refuse to trust you, accept you and rather to ignore you and treat as an enemy. Some of you chose my father. But same time I was treated with hostility, honesty and cruelty and every instance of that what happened was enough premise for my decision to ignore you and do not respect and perceive as a person. Just a shit like I was seen this way. Polish people experience probably the greatest mass delusions in the history due to successes of Poland etc. But when times will go worse the lack of relationship of me and Poland will be brutally verified one more time. My indifference and the fact that even as a doctoral student I worked for Poland as long as I was paid. And when my conditions under I worked decreased I told the greatest fuck off I ever said without any doubt and my cooperation with Polish people ended immediately.

I am completely not interested about that people and what they have to say about me.

Simple rule. You did not talk to me? So do not talk about me. You did not treat what I am saying or disclosing about myself seriously? It is your problem, your regret. Probably you believed more your unconscious beliefs seeded by someone else earlier, did not need my opinion about myself from me, so be satisfied also with no relationship with me.

I appreciate people who read my blog and this is first source about me they ever read. This is my big like. And this is the easiest way you will ever understand particularly me. Most often women have a problem and they try to figure out signs of my past relationships first. And they get deceived immediately as they try to do it because it was never my intention to make this issue clear to anyone. This is simple. When you trust me you may get into my life easier and to see me and then may have an opportunity to know someone I am in a real relationship with. When you just try to rape me, eat me via overthinking and overembracing my life and all my connections from above so go to G20 summit immediately. World needs you now! Dziwko!

I am not interested in politics because this is a domain for mentally ill people for me and their great delusional processes of thinking. And anyone who tries to see me through any other lens than via empathy trying to see through my own eyes – are not welcome. This is my private space of commenting life, disclosing myself, sharing my own observations and thought and if you are not able to see the world like me so fuck off. You do not need to follow anything that is of my own kind.

People who visit my blog to verify their own seen facts about me when did not have any relationship with me do not interest me at all. I was living for some time in Ryki in Poland. Small town. I passed by some people in my life many times and passed by them like a ghost. Totally ignored from childhood, not seen or even sometimes laughed at.  After years I realize they have a lot to say. If it was something from observer’s point of view. Ok. But often totally made up things. Another people are those who talked with me sometimes or attended same class at school. And what? They had more opportunities to have some contacts with me but psychologically I often saw many of them as prejudiced. Even if I have heard one remark about me not justified and simply hostile many times I lost my interest in such people. In their lives, in how they feel, if they cope with their lives or not. I am not interested in it. If such a person that I felt cold distanced to as a child believes that I changed my attitude or that time makes my memories more warm about them etc. are mistaken. Many people behaved many ways. But all those who befriended me and then when I had new friends rejected me, who judged me fast, who allied with other people just to keep with each other against me and many others were ignored in my mind. This means I did not care. And if you kept me in your own mind anyone as a significant object of your attention. It is now your problem. If you will disturb me I will even shoot you if necessary.

Many times people that I distanced to them intentionally started to become doubtful about my mental health, that I alienate from social life (as if being sociable was a sign for mental health – really funny! Mentality on the level of Dęblin), that I lose some opportunities. None of this kind. I distance from unhealthy contacts with people who every step intensify their contacts. For me withdrawal from social life is as natural like for other people to affiliate. And it is the easiest thing for me and thing that I feel most mentally healthy with. Being introverted is my natural mode (it is not just days like Cara D posts a reflection on her Fb page that she has sometimes or particular day such a period – for me it is not just periods – it is sense of my life, my essence, something that I am very proud of, my psychological need like for other people to affiliate), natural state of mind and natural state even when being in relationship with someone. The greatest paradox was that I was long time with a girlfriend totally opposite to me and as long she respected my nature and that I feel the best on my own, with my thoughts lonely we were really the greatest couple in the city. As soon as she thought she can change me or influence me or make me more social even to her friends her life turned into a horror. And this is how it is. Nothing extraordinary. If you are not sure if introverted person is a good company for you it is better that you find yourself at right distance and feel a lot of respect. Otherwise you may get surprised or hurt one day.