I recorded ca. 10 new songs in autumn

This is an ethinically inspired song with big dynamics range of used instruments like rhythm guitar and drums. I sometimes cannot listen to my compositions for weeks. But I have all of them on my mp3 player. And comes the moment of right distance but also I expect to be back home soon what motivates me to concentrate on what I will probably do just after my arrival. This is not the best one. But I wanted to name of them like this. And one ethinic composition I listen to now that contains shamisen decorations is one of my best mix from just before my travel to California period. Being on my own I wonder what I would do if I had no such a studio so far from multitudes of people, sometimes toxic people. Crowds are stupid. Hitler proved it. I just need and want to stay away from people. Just for for mutual good, and well-being.

When I came to LA I realized my craziness from the past

I realized that I was thinking about you almost all the time in 2010 when I was here last time what was a bit crazy. Now I came here completely free what makes me feel completely different than ever before. I did not travel lonely so far for really so long. I was for 11 years in a close relationship. How I feel now is just hard to explain. It is not comparable to my life for so long before. And I want it that way. My feelings from 2010 could make you really great, superb self-confident. But I am not the same person today. But it is better when no one judges me and does mess in my feelings. These are mine.

I feel cold inside

I think this is because I travel tomorrow morning to Canada where is -8 Celsius but was -20 when I traveled to the USA. Whole journey from LV I was feeling cold and I feel mentally now closer to my cat Gumisia who maybe miss me or not. But when will see me again I am sure that will try to reach my head with her head like a little giraffe. And she is just Yes.

Just a few awards then

But does it make sense today? The best award I think is not the award at all. It is just how what you do makes you feel. I doubt if awards can shape what should be very personal and or comes spontaneously from your heart or not at all. The best awards in life we get for being authentic. Even if it may apparently cost us a lot. I think that these are only costs of changes we do not follow, effect or subject to. When you follow your heart there are no costs of it. Everything makes sense to you. But it is easy today to fuck this up. If you are not careful. This is like in a song of Pet Shop Boys – Being Boring „someone’s said if you’re not careful, there’s nothing left and nothing to care for”.


Back to the reality

Now I stop commenting on in order not to inspire sick people. Today such a black sheep is from Geneve. Tomorrow may be from Grenoble and the day after tomorrow from another place where someone could identify with a sick mission of someone else. How people affect each other is under-represented in science and in actions of institutions. Because knowledge is a disputable thing. I see many things fast where sometimes even miss my education. But I cannot change the world. Sick people tend to find feeders or mechanisms to funnel their aggression. They often attack weak people. This is how it works. And why some people may feel terrorized now.