And what?

I can say exactly the same thing about the wonderful girl like from Anime I accidentally noticed on Saturday. She was liking how I looked at her. I was liking how she looked at me. Some beings on this earth can cause extreme pleasure to us just through being. So if someone wondered why I cried so long over the girl who died in August was because she was one of the most beautiful girls I ever discovered but I discovered it when was informed that she died… And my trauma on Saturday was that it was not that I did not want to talk. I was afraid that we will talk maybe, I will fall in love. One day she die and I will cry again.

S e r i o u s l y

To hold or not to hold, conclusions are yours

Just briefly about what we can learn from the science of marine mammal biology and what conclusions we may infer from this knowledge for our conditions and doubts whether to hold a breath or not. And if. Or for some of us if ever… Simply for how long. I do not know. I wrote alomst one year ago how I calculated my own physiological limits. Here, below you can read what some seals CAN DO!


The Case Against Marine Mammals in Captivity

This is really a good job. I am delighted to share this resource I finally found among so many till now. Some other just land in appropriate section of my blog without a comment in a form of regular blog entry. Too many interesting topics for me to comment all of them seriously and when you can see some of my days are not serious at all or too serious when I do my „settlements”, ultimate. The final countdown settlements with some people. Some never welcome to my life ever. But after years maybe more frustrated, obsessed. But I swear I did not ignore even a person initially in my life. I am not like many women. I really paid attention to many. Maybe for a while. But did. But some of them lost my credit so fast. What does not make them they are not obsessed anymore. But I have only settlements, making ultimately precise things for them. Nothing more. Nothing to engage them, ensure in their sometimes sick beliefs. But I know they search for hidden messages, hints. Torture me with allusions, suggestions and attributions. So look. Cetaceans also communicate. With different language. There are also retarded, awkward, with communication limitations. Sometimes orphaned, stranded. But probably are never as sick as humans ever can be. Non-comparable situations. Species. We are different with sea mammals. And this is fascinating.

Marine mammals – update of some resources

All of them in separate sections that are not too scientific. The attitude on my blog is more associative and of stream of consciousness kind because this is blog. This is what blogs have been designed for. When I do something more concise, demanding, more of the kind of research I may announce it on my blog, maybe publish in some periodical first. It depends on my own will, resources etc. I am passionate about many things but not too competitive by nature. What I wanted to prove I proved. And my motivation for achievements has been saturated for decades with what I did till the year 2013. This blog serves as the evidence that I develop myself but the way I used to be before my university studies. This means more the way I am and the more versatile way but often not as thorough or better to say precise and respecting some scientific principles not only of reasoning (I am most often on this level anyway – no matter if what I do is science or not) but also scientific writing as scientists do what has advantages.

And scientists rush for grades and points for their „discoveries” what means that often allegedly revolutionary news in articles are in fact made up to look this way. This is not only immoral to be a scientist in the world of today. The world is too noisy and funding of science is blurred too much to let those truly focused and to the point the best funded for their interests or objectively just best is to say „focused”. I chose to just follow my passions what I SOMETIMES reveal on my blog. But we all have many selves, some of true self-disclosure kind, some of self-presentation kind, we have real self and ideal self and the self of what we are supposed to present… In mainstream psychology it is kept to be presented this way. But on the other hand we have really many mixed feelings, mixed intentions and mixed motivations. And my life sometimes finds good reflection or better to say representation on my blog but for me it is hard to say in what proportion my blog reveals my real life. I am not sure if I created it to reveal my life or my blog is just to:

  1. Settle my accounts with hostile people from my past. Yup.
  2. Inform many people somehow positively involved into my life before my neurological disease that I am not only OK today, but I am not lazy, I continue to be productive the best way I can be to feel satisfied with my life that undoubtedly changed from life of a scientist to just life of being just me. What is good, comfortable, reasonable, valuable, rewarding, satisfying, promoting myself in the eyes of me what I value more than what others can say about me. The most often honestly do not know me. If I was so simple like some singers etc. are I could be just straightforward. But I am not. So my blog is still more comprehensive for people who really knew me, really befriended me some day in the past, I was willing to share my true self for long enough to make them sure many of my „selves”, „faces” or whatever. But people who were pretending to be in a relationship landed on the margin of my life much farther than when I did not have a blog to express my intentions and limits clear also to them. Sometimes basically to them when did not listen to me that violate my boundaries through pretending they know me through what they spied off about me or persuaded, lied to others they though is most likely how I could be.
  3. To bring a bit of positive social feedback to my own life to positively motivate myself to do something original, write something original every day, not only from time to time. As this habit of myself developed well I can say that such a positive loop worked successfully no matter that I used to have haters, spammers etc. They did not succeed in their destructive struggles compared to my followers and supporters. Most of them are hidden introverts the way I really am. This is probably the most true reason why I did not succeed on Facebook, that even once I wrote a message to someone through Instagram even then I felt like I do again something I never wanted – disclose myself to apparently close people, the way I do not have too much influence on how it is received, presented, who else has an opportunity to track my messages, what algorithms may do with what emotions, reflections I share when try to be intimate to someone else and the algorithm outperforms me even then, presenting them always „better” association with what I share with them than what my true intentions are. If many people still do not see that are beaten, cheated by designers of these sick social games, by algorithms they created to hook them to expose not only their vulnerabilities, but also engage more in toxic situations and feelings, self-disclosure competitions and games when people with specific limitations like shyness, awkwardness are designed to be losers in these competitions. So social media are not too intimate platform and never used to be. This is only the struggle of single people that can find the way in a sick world, establish right channel, right platform right time or lose with fake people, fierce competition, what’s frustrating – lose with just algorithms! I feel sometimes, when I look back to some years in the past not too distant like 2015 etc. That many times I lost competition with algorithms like Gary Kasparov who tried to beat the computer and failed for the first time.

I was attempted to be ultimately proved that they will always win and will be better because this was ME to prove this to ME and just due to hucpah not to someone else same time (because for what) such thing because they are Jews and I am someone who isn’t but I know them well anyway but they will never let me be better, even if war must have started right now. They will never allow me to reveal their true face even if they developed regular war tools called social media that make some of us commit publicly a suicide because are encouraged to do even such horrible things to the public. This is just mentality of grandiose personas from so called higher classes of American society most often consisting of people of Jewish origin, highly competitive and successful but same time unfair, aggressive, trying to impose too much of own picture, vision, will compared to that we are more than 7 billion people in this world! Hello!

Because my consciousness was an obstacle on the way to success of companies like Facebook. They try to improve it to be more human, but mistakes they made are not to forgive because:

      1. Many people died due to artificial competition when it was just sick ad algorithm.
      2. Many people lost trust of people that credited it them normally for who they used to be in the past before became neurotic and eaten by social game they did not understand.
      3. People had to change their natural habits how they normally associate, affiliate, disclose, credit trust, establish relationships – more easy like just to be someone’s company, accompany someone else just as a social being but also more trust based – like friendship and finally – love. This has been also broken, cheated, cracked by hackers, spammers, scammers, phishers, abusers of many kinds, new digital known and anonymous enemies, both players along with designers. We lost an orientation who’s ally and who’s foe. When to fight or flight and when to relax and be delighted by wonderful images of places that many of us trust easily that relaxing influence forgetting they have never been there and maybe never will get there in this life! So mind how much of envy, jealousy, destruction has been scribbed, programmed, intentionally encapsulated in these private or public programming modules and objects that finally we could learn how to use them best but many of us lost the idea how to be digitally effectively when for real we feel much different than we will ever be able to present ourselves in the Internet – for example me – I am not a fan of football, I am not good singer but to compose music is my talent and passion. I used to be very sports person in childhood and used to be a singer. Today I know my limits of my voice. And know they drawbacks of my age about for example if it is real to be eg. an acrobat in my mature life or not at all. And it is not so easy to just join the stupid race with people who prepared longer, who have more natural predisposition, or finally are more motivated to present themselves and compete this way! I could just like eg. sports teams or singers. But was never given an opportunity to express it well what means what or what means how much, how much important is what. And we all differ. This is why the mockery spreads along with we know each other better finally! Now I feel known by many people in the world. But I knew that I am worldwide sociable person long time ago before Facebook wasn’t even a dream. I was social person among almost all nationalities before an asshole and Aspie created the machine of social destruction calling it Face book. Just as an asshole to involve people in toxic and never clear situation to make them lose control a bit, make them engaged as he could not attract them in the real world, as a real person. This is the problem. And this is why I prefer to have a blog than to treat seriously any social media.

The final remark to sometimes again frustrating reflections is that in autumn 2013 has been issued in Kwartalnik Nauk o Przedsiębiorstwie what I translated and is also in English on my blog that I predicted in my article there and then the phenomenon of Gary Becker’s theory of human behavior that we can namely calculate the input that has to be made to make calculatively how much jealous or envy we can someone else make! I predicted it writing it in the year 2013 that such a knowledge from economics will find an application of autistic people in a form of a social gaming tool.