I feel it but I still don’t believe it was true

I think that it was an illusion. Definitely that feeling of her. But no matter all doubts how she made me feel made me sure she is mine forever. Is this stupid to believe this way or reason this way? I don’t know. I believe in this. Other people can believe in God. I do not care unless they start to judge me. So many doubts. What was the reason of her weakness in the mid of summer? But I can show you my photos from summer 2018. One year earlier. On every photo I looked tired. It is strange. I was in Lublin many times then. The summer itself drained me. I know that emotional processes can empower or ruin or drain. And I feel I was the part of her process. But it will not be the puzzle for me. But the true mystery. What conclusions, convictions she has built, what final motivations. Determination. How she assessed all chances, future, how she predicted so many things, discounted them. But I know from the first moment of enlightenment that there was a message to me directly to what can speed up my nervous processes. She knew me better than bank scammers, than intelligence analysts or even some ex girlfriends. And this was her ultimate message. Like „I will show you, you will suffer till the end of your life, but this is not your fault, we were fated to be hated, to be destroyed – this love was fated to be never fulfilled, so I decided for both of us”.