Avril Lavigne

I like Avril Lavigne for being Avril Lavigne and for her voice. And less for her songs. It does not mean that I do not value her musical work. But I am not sure if what she created so far is what is on the level of her possibilities. I do not know her personally and how her creativity works in real environment. Being highly sensitive, excitable person is just a condition to exceed some barriers that normally limit people from really creative excesses, works and performances. I could in this section surprise almost everyone with how much criticism I can bring about her work in general as well as respect, admiration and sometimes excitement.

The first song I liked was Complicated due to being simply one of the first that delimited her unique style. She simply brought something new what is never easy to criticize, to assess, to value, not saying just to like. Sometimes we do not like a song for the first time we listen to and after eg. 2 weeks we cannot spend a day without listening to it. And I can say. I am not sure now. But some songs of Avril Lavigne were of this kind for me. Because many of them I liked from the first time I listened to. Whole album I listened to with pure pleasure was Avril Lavigne. What is incredible. That 5th album and everything was so good. Namely perfect. Fitting to each other in all aspects, all pieces together. Many elements she added to what has been known before was original and new no matter how such an opinion may sound today when we can think again that everything has been so far what is of course to some extent true. And we could say something like this in 2002 for sure too. But her compositions revolutionized music industry a bit. And created some niche but I am not an expert about it. I was never on her concert, never screwed enough into how she is received as an artist to have an objective opinion. I was too much personal about who I discovered and gradually maybe more in love with to have an idea to see her more objectively.

As I mentioned many times I received Avril Lavigne as Avril Lavigne and that impression, reception, emotional contact with her songs was something that overcame almost all my psychological defenses easily. And I am not right person to be objective. She appealed to my emotions so easily that I could say rather that she could be also the first person I could for example argue with!

Another song of Avril Lavigne that I liked was I’m with you. And here it is also something personal. Maybe it may sound a bit pretentious (artsy, chichi… – I do not want to find synonyms right now – right for the language easily understood today) but I was with someone like Avril Lavigne in a relationship. I was with a girlfriend who was 4 years younger than Avril Lavigne but completely independently was of the same or if it is nor right to say the same so of the similar kind, at least I think so. Was made of similar clay like Avril Lavigne. The only thing I can grant to Avril Lavigne in fact is that she was my first love of this kind. Because my ex girlfriend was someone I knew just some time later. So this means also that for me was never finally good enough compared to a prototype of love of this kind. It was really true story, intense, real but I always knew that until something extraordinary happen! And do I feel surprised that it happened? I am still not sure. I am not so sure what really happened. Some scientists claim that we cannot prove today that we do not live in a one great computer simulation.

Back to personality – whether was something I was familiar with or something new? Many times in my life I realized simply that varieties of tempers, personalities are somehow limited. We all are different, unique and to some extent original but do not be too much imaginative about possibilities. We are somehow limited too. And some of us represent some intuitively known types. Especially obvious for highly intuitive ones. Such people are awkward, shy, limited by day. And spontaneous, limitless „by night”, „in private”, being given an opportunity to express in the most personal, direct way. And I am grateful to the world, to a music industry that gave an opportunity to particularly this girl and not someone else. Maybe it could be this way. Who knows. But otherwise I probably would not know about her. And what I am grateful for the most is that I know her due to her popularity that I could buy her first album in Media Markt in Lublin not for example during my travel to the UK or even more distant places. She wasn’t local artist and this is why I could know about her. And this is all my luck I see in her story. Because for me it was important that such a person simply exists. And that’s all. It is enough to be heart touchedemotionally moved or inspired. You do not need to have a relationship with everyone that moves your nerves or inspires you. Not saying to have a sex with every single person of this kind or any other idea of this kind. For me as an introverted person such ideas are scary. For me contacts in general are not easy. Especially those emotional. What is hard to compensate sometimes taking into account the fact that as a man I am not too much different than other men and I may experience kind of exhaust or frustration of different kind not being satisfied on a regular physical basis in terms of simply physical contact. But an emotional contact is difficult to establish on vibes that I can say „yes, these waves are mine”. Many girls do not receive as much as I send to them. Good for artists that have wider range they can reach. And bad same time. You experience more influxes and releases of sense even of emotional stability and security. This is the price I finally never wanted to pay! This means I never disclosed myself to the really wide public as an artists and this is how and why I feel as a winner in terms of my life that is under my control no matter good times or bad times. But I am not a bad person. In the age of 15 or 19 I wanted to be a popular musician! In Poland we have a common quotation, saying

„kto za młodu nie był komunistą, ten na startość będzie skurwysynem”.

Lack of fitness to emotional situations in life. Often eg. among extroverts this is the reason why I am sometimes pervert like Avril Lavigne also is in her also introverted personality when tries to be outgoing all the time far beyond her regular tolerance to being opened or better to say exposed to criticism, judgments etc.

Things that no matter what words or acts of support you extend to an introvert, how grateful he or she is for it. How much shows you how you helped them. This is never enough because situation is never of the bandwidth for tolerance of stimulation of the social kind for them due to how their brains are wired.

And introverts may be perverted by nature. Can make someone else never enough sure about their feelings. Because they rarely feel they fit to a context, situation, needs of someone else, social expectations, values they encounter and start to realize but are never sure enough whether this is it or something else. And this will be the only reason why she may in fact end up lonely! But we all make choices on a basis of our values, intuitions and please do not judge Avril Lavigne for the fact she changes her mind 20 times a day sometimes. I am also like this. Sometimes. And many people of this nature are sometimes like that.

For me first singles, first albums of Avril Lavigne was like a guiding lights what or rather who to seek for among people from my generation. Many people impressed me from eg. older generations.

It is obvious how easily we build attitudes on a basis of personality of someone else, in return to simply their attitudes (what can be simply sometimes seen as a sports game like ping pong but it indicates always that something does not fit, that something still is not clear enough to accept, to tolerate), powers etc. I mean just some powers like charms, skills, talents. Not necessarily, immediately power. In terms of authority, leadership. In reality this was always what I hated. So for sure it isn’t what I always liked or valued in Avril Lavigne too. And I hate just power as power, as a fact, as a phenomenon, as a tool with my whole heart till today. People, understand it. Power itself is primitive. It is what apes who can behave 3 possible ways like 3 ways may cross sometimes and nothing more. And among 3 primitive types of behavior of apes you will always find power. It is fundamental, primitive, but let’s not say that it is valuable, really important, something we cannot live without. And finally not say that it is something sophisticated, poetic, valuable, of highest probe of culture and sensitivity. Power? What the fuck. It completely is not of this kind! And never was! It is something that many species are known for. And similar number of species does not know power at all! For example. I am an introvert. With all consequences of this fact. I know my limits. I know where my possibilities are limitless but where I am not good rival, good player. And when even when I stand up for a situation, situation is never equal to me – to my abilities and resources. I am for example not good to be a part of a team etc. Social groups were never what was making me feeling comfortable with. This is my flaw or weakness. But this is also a true fact about me. And if other people abuse me, exploit my self-confidence or sense of trust and how easily for me is to not to trust someone else this is simply my vulnerability. Something I can also suffer from. It is not comfort to be like that. But for me as an adult, as a mature person it is obvious how I am. What my personality is like. Of what kind. I have no illusions about being someone else after how many insights about myself I gained. No matter in social groups, during education etc. I often argued with eg. teachers, ever „super-professional” but simply too shitty extroverted to understand that I am so much different than them that to understand me is simply out of their range!!!

So. Not necessarily power itself. Power itself – like money, like popularity etc. for me – personally – is something disgusting. And maybe this is the only barrier for me to overcome when I seriously think about my emotional attitude to such a person today. It is not a jealousy, more it is about authenticity. About simply who we really are. Just risk takers? Rock and roll representatives? Or finally money-makers or popularity seekers or some kind of addicts etc. The truth for me as a psychologist is simply that we all have flaws, weaknesses, and better and worse periods. And this is the point why I cannot be critical especially to Avril Lavigne. I was always seeing her more as a person than a musician. Her music was an addition to who I was discovering in her and what about her personality I liked. And this is why it is hard to be her fan. Or just a fan. As I mentioned I could be sometimes rather a critic to her creative work. But I do not feel I deserve a title to criticize it finally. Because to her overall achievement contributed so many successes that simply no one can judge her now. It is just stupid. It defends itself now no matter how much luck, instinct, entrepreneurship you will attribute in your judgments than for example talent, inspiration etc. It is obvious now that if she wasn’t talented, creative, personal, sensitive, she would not be who she used to be and she would never defend herself from any kind of accusations during her worse periods. But I know she will defend herself just by all the evidence of her past successes. And simply what person in fact she is. But as we develop ourselves we discover also new versions of ourselves, new selves and we may stick to them for longer. Sometimes for good. And when someone changes him or herself, it does not mean to me obviously that reveal more true face and was fake before. I see change as a change. It does not deny for me who was that person earlier. But I also let everyone be who they want to be. For me not to accept someone, no matter who, for who he or she is simply not only childish. It is waste of time and energy. People are different, people change. And foremost people are not easy to control. Or to intentionally change by someone else. This is more a subject of policy makers. But for me politics is something I want to vomit every time I hear about it. It is what makes me sick when I see other people just having fun or treating influence on other people seriously or too seriously. It is simply not my cup of tea. Surprisingly I am a son of a politician or former politician, elected in free election etc. But this fact only settles me in a schizophrenous position that who I really am will never be spoken enough and I will be left in misunderstanding position forever among rapists who many times abused me for the fact I am not good in such deceptive, predatory  sometimes communist (in Poland not sometimes – quite often) tricks, games. But my schizophrenous double-bind position is to some extent also comfortable. When I seek for right girlfriend, my position always disclose to me the fastest which girls are not good for me, which are stupid, which are simply cruel and careless and simply which are witches. Those to policy making are first in the line.

For me as for introvert it is the only fact I was abused numerous times only due to the fact that my father is not easy to be abused because is a talented politician. And I was always an easy target to funnel hate, throw accusations at, to hit me somehow, to revenge me what was in fact a revenge to someone else when it was not possible to revenge that person. I never saw anyone who revenged me because could not revenge someone more powerful to be finally satisfied that has hit in fact me! All of them vomit from grief, guilt, shame one day. And what? Do you think I feel sorry for this? No way. When someone of this kind dies in a car accident for me it is just to move my shoulders in a gesture – one idiot less! And that’s it. Because for me it is simple. When you are OK you never have to be sorry for what you do. If you do not lie – you do not have much to remember.

Another song of Avril Lavigne that moved me really deep was How does it feel. It was a song I namely fell in love with. Beautiful orchestrations in this song emphasized so subtly whole sense of a drama of being different that this was and still is a song that makes me speechless. This is something as if when you have thousands of thoughts that even psychiatrist will not find a medication to silence. Once you hear and understand this song really deeply your thoughts just stop in a powerful insight – got it! Got that feeling! And this is why poetry and music is so genius. Why in fact especially most sensitive of us cannot live without poetry. And life without poems is meaningless and empty. After 3rd albums I always perceived this song as best, in my categories of thinking. And the most – in how I feel. What is important for me from the point of view of my personal values. This song appeals to my values the most of all the songs of Avril Lavigne. And if I was under some spell or charm of talent, of so many ideas, so much creativity and style very close to my heart. This song opened just one more door to say that maybe I am really in love with this girl.

Another song for me personally I was thrilled. So this was a second song that thrilled me after How does it feel was a song Push. This song revealed your nature of a very young version of you. And a love not of a woman. But love of a girl. And it was beautiful for me to hear this song. And to make me believe, make me feel you may sing it also to me. Even if not thinking this way all the time. Song Push reveals that you believe in a true love like children believe in Santa Claus. And what I can say. I believe in it too. I believe in true love like you when I listen to this song.

So far what songs I like and what I like for:

  1. Complicated for delimiting style.
  2. Sk8er boy for good storytelling applied to so short form that a song definitely is. For me storytelling is important when today many people are told by marketing brain washers that storytelling is just another tool to achieve your goals. Avril Lavigne by storytelling expressed deep romantic and especially true feelings, attitudes of her personal tastes, styles even about what relationships are about. It was a very good idea to do it this way. This song is not a marketing product. This is how she is. Or how she was. And it is a great success to sell yourself as yourself, become rich, popular just being oneself. This is a success. In a world of extroverts, in a world than cannot stop talking this is like you came to everyone one time, have shut their mouth, told them „listen!” and showed – this is the fucking me! Accept it or fuck off because I am not different and I will never be!
  3. I’m with you for being with me, being like my girlfriend, being like someone who I was looking for. Someone I can finally appreciate, value, accept. Be with. Because I could not be with someone else. I would rather be lonely all the time than with someone isolated from me, distanced, living in totally different world than me, any kind of not being with me makes me feel it is better to be lonely.
  4. Tomorrow. For being emotional, for being true, authentic. Not made up, not fake. For letting things happen according to scenarios written in stars above us, for giving up on more moral forces in the universe but this is not the best song about it the best about maybe is Innocence (I mean in terms of letting things be or letting things go) or maybe even another. But this is a very good and powerful in meaning song anyway. Because title namely outlines it that this song is about time. Abut importance of time in life. And its causal force. For letting time resolve our problems, for giving up what we in fact cannot control. And never will. For letting things be. For accepting the fact that John Lennon was maybe the closest to what life really always was about but not all of us are ready to admit it. No matter how simple this truth is. It is also about that some truths are temporary, about checking them, testing them, about being awakened and opened to realize what remained and what changed. So this is about a very important psychological function of ourselves what is the opposition to delusions this means what reality testing is. A very important mechanism of our consciousness we sometimes need to intentionally struggle for to preserve because some of us once believe in a dream or illusion, sometimes even delusions are reluctant to wake up. And like in a depression every day starts to be the same or the opposite time does strange acrobatic tricks to a depressed person. A person like from song tomorrow isn’t depressed. Is sober. And states that sanity really clearly. With simple words „I don’t know! We will see tomorrow, how I will simply feel”.  Deep, honest, true, real experience of human being. Not a product of Facebook, marketing, external matrix you were forced to be a part but your own very deep and appropriate feelings of being yourself right time this way and not another way, or not a product of postmodern era of suspending and mocking all truths ever discovered by a humanity, but being simply a subject of action, a center of weight not an object and not a result or a consequence of something else – no matter society, values whatever. Being just yourself and taking as seriously enough for you how you feel a specific time and nothing more. Simply what remained of our yesterday’s truths and what changed. From all of your songs this is the song imho you need to get back to the most, rethink it. Think what you knew then when you wrote it and what you have lost till now that you forgot somehow about it trying to be with someone else! Be a friend of yourself first. By hating yourself you will never help someone else.
  5. Things I’ll never say. For being a woman. For me personally good and bad same time. What is good and what is bad about being a woman. And being a woman compared to being a man. Or being a woman and the fact that a man encounter such a woman one day. But the honesty of admitting in this song such truths you revealed so honestly made you so real to me. And another thing being honest you show that you are a good person. A good girl. After all men secretly love women for being different than men that men rarely can be. The advantage in men’s world is force. Sometimes of persuasion, storytelling, sometimes of physical kind. Here a feminine element is stated clearly – simply a feminine force of being passive, of being adaptive etc. Wisdom of wild woman who loves when is loved and looks like never loved when there is no love to share with her. Simply a lot of wisdom in really short poetic space. But some words in a specific configuration may have endless depth of meaning. This is why we need poets to translate more concise discoveries into poetry of the night of our souls.
  6. How does it feel for a sensitivity almost of an anthropologist. For revealing it. And not feeling shame of it. For being brave. For honesty of admitting that not all of us are the same. And never were. Sometimes world ignores it and it changes into a conflict. Maybe this song is so much necessary today to be understood, listened to my billions of people than any other song of Avril Lavigne.
  7. Push. For being yourself as a young girl, for believing in true things, in pure magic, in pure innocence and true love. Song Innocence is never as much about it as this song. This song is about as if you really believed one day that true love exists and you call for this so bad. It is really heart squeezing song. Because with this song you crucified yourself. You opened your heart in a desperate scream of love to someone else. But this is a reason of your success in love. Of being so hysterically true in this drama in order not to believe even just a bit. Even being at the distance. It is not easy to move forward indifferent to how much you may miss someone, how much you crave someone. This song can melt a heart of deaf and blind. Or though or ignorant. As if what I feel was really objective I would identify with this song so much that could kill everyone who could see things differently. That what I feel about this song may not be true. Or that what you feel may be a call for mercy etc. No. This song was something making me really closer. And for real. And I hope I delivered so far enough proofs for this. That when you were really missing, craving I was really close, at your reach and seeing so many obstacles sometimes I still wonder and cannot believe how it was possible. What pushed me towards you to be as much close as you wanted. In reality, this is only the matter of what you did with this. And sometimes not too much, not enough to repeat to engage. Because it would be like to repeat mistakes. Sometimes what we feel to someone else may be a mistake. And only once an attitude of someone else change we may start to see some importance differently again, we may feel refreshed in our feelings under new reasons, new waves of that power of attraction – and I did not have to wait too long. Your another album brought twice as much of appeals and so many even twice as mature as earlier.
  8. Smile. For being mature in your empathy but also revealing not so common even in that time compassion. For being full of love so willing to share love with other people. For cutting your heart even into pieces. For giving and taking. Wise song about what love of a mature person is about. Because love of mature people is rarely binary, 0 or 1. In fact is making some of people promoted in our hears and other depreciated. This means again giving and taking – what is simply ours – our hearts. Not giving whole. But giving pieces, particles. To make some of them smile. For example those who maybe do not have too many reasons to smile or even having them they do not smile to often. This is a song also what does it mean to be a psychologist. Quite bitchy trade anyway. But my trade. And you valued this profession it your song. And showed a respect to who I am. Who I am or was or wanted to be. A professional I wanted to become that time. I was studying clinical psychology yet then. Song Smile in fact refers to a song Fall to pieces somehow. But in a video clip to this song you also visualize what it is about. And song Smile is like to show that you can extend your love to more entities without being a Dalailama immediately when your earlier songs were as if focused always on one specific person. That you could endlessly adjust to due to love, for love like in a Livin' on a prayer of U2. Being so in love that everything you do, even living on a prayer was so, and so much done only for love. but to one chosen person, your ultimate love crash. Here, in a song Smile you are a responsible manager of your feelings that knows to whom gives and from whom takes. When Livin' on a prayer is a male version of love of this kind like your a few earlier songs than Smile. This means, namely one of those earlier of this kind – Fall to pieces was kind of skater girl version of such a song. I’m with you was skater version of such a song too. And song Smile is completely different. 100 times more mature, less dramatic. A bit lonely. Because sharing your love with too many makes you end up lonely too. Sharing your love with only one who can hurt you. May hurt you so much that whole world may collapse for you. Sharing your love with too many can make you just lonely. But it is quite mature. Especially it is so human. So humanist of what’s best about to be the human. When sometimes wild obsessive love to one person may turn to a wild story, may go out of control, may become more and more obsessive and predatory, exhausting, devastating of someone else.
  9. Head above water. In this song squeezed my heart when you say so honestly like in a song Tomorrow that you do not know how you will feel tomorrow that this time you say that you can’t swim. In an influx of tenderness I can say that I can. And I will swim for us both. Till the seashore. I do not want to share my analysis of this song. I see too much in aesthetic layer of everything – sound, lyrics and video that it is not to share to the public to be honest. It is your fresh piece of art that tickled me somehow with some readiness for something new. Maybe even kind of new self of you. Or just a new face. Or old face never showed. Or old self. Hard to say. You are more like an actress this way. And I do not know what to say in general. I feel better to read carefully your intentions by accident from different clues I never actively or obsessively search for. Sometimes I discover something about you by accident and after years and I see this as healthy to me. Because I used to be obsessed about you sometimes in my past. What did not do anything good to me.

Song Innocence is as if about innocence of someone else when you feel a bit superior, maybe slightly even perverted, critical, in „we will see” attitude. And suddenly as far as in your 4th album you revealed to be innocent by yourself releasing a song Push that revealed your dramatic need for being innocent to someone you love so bad. You had to encounter really important person that made you sure that innocence is also what you can fully be, identify with this feature and its attitude completely!

Other thing it is hard to say also that there are songs of Avril Lavigne that I dislike. When I listen to music of Avril Lavinge. Now not so often. I know all songs by heart. I mean all are in my heart. And are associated with so much that I cannot listen to them when I do not feel like it. That it is good to listen to them a specific time. Not every time in my life is or was good to listen to Avril Lavigne. But when I do I listen to all of them. For example during one journey with my car I can listen to all songs 2 times. All mean something to me. But objectively not all have real meaning in terms of adding something new, revolutionizing the way we generally feel. Etc. But for me personally every song even if not for the first time I listened to started to appeal to my feelings one day. There was no song of Avril Lavinge that I could say „WTF, what is this?”.

Some songs appeal to me also when I am in a more sanguine mood, or feel more how to say „elevated”. Then some songs bring a load of real fun to me. To such songs I would attribute What the Hell for sure. And some other. But generally in your songs you are a dark soul like me. And thank you for being like me. I do not feel so lonely in this universe.

I like also album Avril Lavigne. A whole album. And I like the fact you called this album Avril Lavigne. As if you have put whole yourself at the altar. And said „this is me”. And last song Hush hush is appeal to marry someone. Typical woman’s dream. Hmmm… I was once listening to album of Polish band Ziyo where a song Magiczne słowa is one of those I like the most and then WTF (it was somewhere between years 2014-2015) I realized one song is titled Hush. Bluthochdruck. You made me I almost became a taxi driver! Because inspirations, encouragements, empowerment of this kind works this way that we may fine tune to the best what we do the best right time. I was moving to address 535 km from my last home. And had to move a few tones of things. With my car and logistic, transport companies but no matter that I had to move far distances often what made me a good driver. And to listen to this album was like to add 100 mechanical horsepower units to my car and wings. It was time me and my car we became one. One rocket. Read about social facilitation also. Me as an introvert attending still some lectures among more sociable people. Being awkward and then I feel this album hooks me too much not to start to believe there is an intention in it. I started to think of course that I am delusional!

Whole album Avril Lavigne has a very concise, well thought over concept. You sing about trade off between love and friendship. Many important but also difficult things. And you sing about them as a mature person. And as if you give a report of yourself – „this is me, look how much I realize”.

I like song Rock and Roll for inviting. For encouragement. It is you. This is simply a song about you. This is Avril Lavigne. A singer, a star, a musician. And musician is inviting.

Maybe to be continued.