Special thanks

My special thanks to musicians that were helping me sometimes. Sometimes I mention them by the occasion in separate entries, pages of my blog. But here my special thanks.

I want to say thank you to a Croatian pianist and singer in piano bar in Makarska at the end of September 2014. It was middle of the night. I was smoking heavy menthol cigarettes. And just definitely we broke with a girl I was 11 years with. And was even my wife that time. But it does not really matter for me wife or not. Such a shit matter for a woman or a girl. But for a man it does not. Relationship matter I think for everyone if they really know what does it mean. But it is sometimes so rare to experience true one. I came to that place with schizophrenic state what could be easily read from my face. And this musician reacted due to his empathy inappropriate way. Exaggerating my own state of my feelings. He started to play songs and sing as if trying to resolve what was really happening in my soul. To be honest. I do not know. I am sure I fell in love with one Croatian girl by accident. She was probably working in a souvenir shop in Trogir and was learning from notes to law or political science or history exam. She had highlighted words, sentences in her really great set of notes. I reminded my own exams for the not so past time and simply my fresh emotional freedom, empathy etc. mixed in me and as she reminded me a girl that has hurt me some time before that but this girl looked 100% OK to just meet her positive attitude to me, smile was like a cure to my wound. I realized she started to crave me a bit. But I walked away confused. In fact I had a wife. But we were living separately that time and knew something is at the end and I told her honestly then in Trogir that I simply fell in love. I asked her even what to do o.o! And she was even honest to me! As she sometimes was, often asked honestly if I really want that relationship. But I did not really know. I was not ready for relationships in general I think. It did not really matter too much that time. But situation could be unpleasant anyway to move on with disclosing my sympathy overly. I can only say I came a year after for holidays only to Trogir. Some girls were suspicious about me walking lonely among so many narrow lanes. But I did not encounter her anymore. I encountered of course different situations. But that in 2014 was simply different because my situation was more dramatic and intense. And in 2014 in that piano restaurant that musician after all some days or a day after or a same day. I do not really know. Played a song of Neil Young – You are like a hurricane what reflected the situation I just found attractive one girl being there – little blonde but probably Croatian girl of quite wild temper 😉 and another – Fields of gold of Sting. I DO NOT KNOW HOW YOU DID THAT BUT THANK YOU SO MUCH! I did not know how I really feel. I felt numb. I felt as if seeing through a smokescreen, a heavy isolating me from reality filter and other guilt, shames, confusions, regrets sunk deep enough to not have a right contact with reasons to feel something new but you caught that confusion really well helping me with playing these songs.  You resolved my schizophrenia between in fact situation of a marriage and my totally young free soul and accidental feeling to a girl right there. I am not sure if all this shit we are schizophrenic sometimes is all about really values or just shyness. I simply cannot make up my mind right time. Never. That time helped me a bit a friendship of one Polish girl too. But I am not sure if she understood me correct anyway. After a few days we knew about each other quite a lot. But I am not sure if she understood the fact that I treat her more like a friend, an emotional help in a swamp I sink into. But that musician helped me spontaneously, surprised me that I inspired him so easily and a bit shamed me and confused with being so direct. Because it was a moment I thought everyone is looking at me. And I did not have too many reasons to be proud of myself.

My rocket travel to Croatia in summer 2015 was on an altitude and at the speed and inflated like this song.