As being my friend I want to just say it out loud with regrets that you have a problem with Avril Lavigne and how her personality influenced your abstemious and frugal being. I doubt if anything is missing to you voice, talent, guitar playing. I think you encountered on your way a person who had too much charm to you. She ate your soul and when I see her proud today that someone looking like you has a T-Shirt with her theme Head Above Water that honestly isn’t a masterpiece in lyrics or music. It isn’t even honest too much what this song is about. She did a great mockery of you again making you a scapegoat for her problems, unhappiness, lack of purpose, motivation, suffering, maybe really from lyme disease. I was ill for 2 years due to a virus. I really know what it means when you wake up and feel tired. I could not get rid of such state for really long time. But she was not just a reason. Just some of reasons. If girls make you give up wholly maybe it is not good idea to become a gay. I do not know how it feels to be a gay because I am not. All close encounters with other men for me were to some extent loaded with shame and sense of disgust to ensure me that even just typical young men silliness does not make me happy, that I always needed a room for myself far from other men influences, sense of humor I rarely shared with them. Girls sometimes drive me crazy. But those who drive me the most, hurt me the most too. And maybe we have the same problem. And maybe this is why you being 100 times more closer to a success as a musician you still did not achieve enough compared to what you could do, what you also to some extent deserved. And I think Avril is someone you did not deserve because no matter how good person she used to be in general, how much she cares sometimes she can be evil too. Too much maybe for you to understand. This is highly competitive person that rivalry motivates her but not everyone is of this kind. I am also a person who just outline own purpose and follow own clues of what to be done by myself in my life far from sights of other people and hysterical girls like a bit she is of this kind drain me easily too. I am not sure whether we are allies simply due to this. I think you may have real problem becasue I saw her maybe once or maximum twice for real. You have spent with her long time enough to realize whether she is someone you cannot live without. So if you cannot live without you may have a problem that girls often do not understand. I wish you from the bottom of my heart to make someone deserve your time and attention who will devote as much all resources they have to the degree like you do sometimes. And will never hesitate to engage even more. Even to a total surprise that simply gave you everything. Maybe first you need to encounter such a person to believe in yourself and everything good in your life maybe will happen when you will be really happy. I am not someone to investigate and punish girls for their mistakes. I tried to understand Avril Lavigne but cannot. Her guilt and doubts much outweigh her abilities to trust, to see the world through more colors than just black. And maybe she deserves also to be left alone with this. To let pure nature and pure randomness do the rest to make her see what she deserves with simply who she is now. If she is unhappy someone still can make her happy. If she is bored she will find a lot of entertainment in her life still. I think that for your progress it much better to close this chapter ultimately and if besides music you mean nothing to her, maybe she was never your friend. No matter that you called her a friend. And maybe she is just toxic person to you. And maybe too many girls realize this for too long to believe you will be there for them in this life. So maybe erase her first. Do the first step to unknown and also let her live. Because she also deserves a lot. But maybe she devoted so much of herself and of her life to so impressive career we can see from the point of view of today that it may take really a long time for her to find own way, hear own voice again. And finally maybe she really is a completely different person. By nature, by heart or simply she is this way now. And I believe it is always good to let other people just live their own life the best they see this, what makes sense to them now. What she tries to show me and with what impress me makes me feeling a bit into a toxic situation. Fortunately my feelings are so vivid that I make use of every opportunity and encounter in my daily life to make sure whether my destiny is not of completely different kind. I am open to many possibilities and it makes me feeling healthy. I wish you to realize this or feel this way one day. And see more clearly yourself and your needs far from what just makes you feeling secure, far form just the fact of being sociable person that you definitely are. Sometimes even most friendly people need to go for a lonely journey to find themselves. And sometimes start to hear or realize things they would never assume before it is also themselves. And maybe when you find other self of yourself you will become creative in your life the way you did not experience it this way before. Being stronger will make you more sober about girls too. But being strong also brings us more enemies. This is life just the way it is. Experiment with it the way you started. And maybe miracles will start to happen.