A boring story to tell
My case about education is also an example of a caricature of a broader sense. People often argue whether public education or private education is better. So answer this question on your own. I was motivated, inspired, paid in public school that was always hard to access, that was considered as only for best of the bests. And fucked up in private school every time possible. In a private school where I paid for studies up to 50 000 zł in total for 7 years of my studies with breaks that have let me continue what I regarded as education of higher priority. When I had a flu, when had a bad day, when felt neurologically ill or experienced problems in relationships. What’s more problems in my relationships became during studies actually there. What does it mean? That people who organize just for profit, who bypass any rules and standards , are highly ambitious to influence do not see any limitations. As if only animal sexual imagination existed for them and only possibilities. Małgorzata Ohme and selected topics that are covered in her articles is the best of the best example what inclinations of people are seen in SWPS and what motives and perspectives developed. This is what even Steven Pinker did not teach us about human nature. Nor Philip Zimbardo often invited to have lectures in SWPS. The truth is according to my observations that anxious people, with low self esteem pose greater threat to the stability of social life of the society in general and not only clinical psychology, social psychology has to intervene. This is only an issue how social norms arise in general. Whether exist at all or not. I observed same time enormous support giving me by Czech society. From people I never saw personally. Who I never talked to. They probably are more literate as a society. Read my mind much better due to having greater cultural development and protected me much better from that massive rape in Poland that I could ever suspect. And here not psychology can explain this phenomenon but economics. According to HDI index literacy of the society is in 33% regarded as responsible for economic development of the society. So the superiority of literacy of Czech society that Poland even in the year 966 took the Christian religion from proved the common known fact but Polish rarely admit this fact, however often privately agree. That Czech Republic was always a few steps forward in civilizational development compared to Poland. I think this was just a simple reason why I did not raise prejudices among such people but only inspired them. Because more educated people select more easily what may be correct belief and what creepy scary blur. So most often less proportion of my beliefs used to be judged not saying that I rarely cause mass reactions in that country what is another proof for their diversity and lack of need to see me as extraordinary or ordinary, marvelous or scary etc. Simply more insightful due to better knowledge, probably sharing with me more books already read etc. accepted me just like someone likely like them and attributed similar tolerance to make mistakes and not witch-hunt me more than I deserved and not attribute me more to blame than any other person no matter careful or not in terms how they cope with stress, social stimuli etc. So I felt a refreshment and felt renormalized, destigmatized and demonumentized when Polish wanted to make me to be a monument or die from massive objections. As if my scientific considerations (I doubt if more than 100 people carefully read them) were aimed towards Polish in general. This is simply a problem of a collective culture where people prefer to think collectively giving up individual thought shaping process filtered by own evidence for any argument! Even a policeman in Szklarska Poręba who helped me last spring to get rid of girl addicted to narcotics I gave paid shelter to for winter 2017 spontaneously shared with me such an opinion about Czechs even not asked. I surprised him telling that I saw Roma people hired to work in shops in Czech Republic so credited trust to do daily settlement for someone else business! For this policeman this was hard to believe what I said however he ended a discussion with me stating that Czechs are simply in a different phase of economic development that Polish rarely could understand. So this may be an answer to the blissful ignorance of never awakened from communism prof. Trzebiński who however uses language to break inequalities and same time disrespect privacy, personality, value system and integrity of someone else. And such distinguished people inspire especially field-dependent women.
They think from own point of view instead and are reluctant to see too far beyond own playground. But on own playground are perfect about setting all rules. The weakness she may face in more multicultural environment and at the edge of different cultures. Eg. one culture may be feminine like Polish and other not. And this is enough to lose all the idea about possibilities and life that may be more simple for a man in another context. But look how much she wants to know. To know what was so far prohibited a few times and clear spoken way. Everyone in Poland can move everywhere to start maybe not new life but to start to see from different point of view. Why some people resist to change their mind to see more and even when travel around the world get back to what is known is just hard to understand. And I would call this basic difference and a basic attitude. One old lady in Denmark agreed with me about my notion „basic attitude” and she said that she knows a few Polish on Bornholm. And in fact warm, helping people but yes, they are different about that basic attitude. What I could say really objectively, because I felt distance to Polish people almost whole my life. Polish do not have too much respect to what is unknown to them. And do not respect something like privacy. If they see someone significant, highlighted, disarmed of any possibility to defend against I would call „cultural shock” or „cultural rape” as if it was ritual against a stranger. So if they see that person they simply follow the tribe like in Golding books. I remember one lesson during sociology classes at the beginning of studies in SGH. We talked a lot about ourselves, our interests, books we have read. And I was very active and shared too many observations and knowledge and one girl looking at me mentioned book of a Golding „Lord of Flies” to make me fear that I am going to be a stranger to a tribe she represents. And I think this is the clue. There is much more what can be called in Poland collective behavior than individual behavior. One reason why I resigned from Doctoral Studies was a shock how late I realized that I broadcast on completely different waves. I try to keep my self image of an individual but people around me are more like in socialist country. I try to have my individual stream of consciousness, to tend to have exclusive relationships with particular people I respect for something I like the most, with whom share really particular values and they are simply not like that. What they do instead? First, the group is more important for them than needs of individuals, so I am not an expert in this. What I could introduce to Polish economics was also much rewarded by one of my scientific tutors from my life – prof. Krzysztof Marczewski. He realized I am really different but the way I transmit my considerations from individual perspective to collective is original and he recognized that I have much different mind! But he is really an extraordinary mind about mathematics, optimization and same time is not reluctant to new insights and general knowledge however he is like many mathematics minds for some time reluctant to accept different point of view. But only when he tries to do own calculus for what believes is true right time. So you can see now that I cannot say that all people from Poland I met in my life are stupid. Conversely, some have been really intelligent the way I did not know such an example from books, history of science, history of economic thought but was sitting with such a person with one room talking about my own concepts! And I rarely compare people in my mind and for my own purpose but for a blogging more imaginary reasons I could say that when we compare prof. Marczewski and prof. Trzebiński and that prof. Marczewski understood perfectly whole embarassing situation that happened to me simply stated that I was too much angry about that some academic did not understand me. So this is a difference in culture and basic attitude as if we compared Pałac Kultury i Nauki and Empire State Building! However in Poland justice looks like this that this stupid one has an office in a modern building to look like from America and that intelligent one has an office in a building that looks like PKiN! Bang! So look at first obstacle in your intellectual growth. When you pay attention to looks, images and impressions you simply lose just at the beginning. And probably even more intuitive and clever people are working at Miłobęcka or Rakowiecka in even poorer conditions. But are probably more proficiency in adaptive decision making „theory” than theory of a political business cycles for example. I do not know. I known really a few spies or counterintelligence people in my life. But have heard many stories, also from people from such families but it was sometimes so much science fiction that now I see that this is just an emptiness of a child feeling emotionally isolated from a parent who decided to sell his or her soul to a „company”.
However I have an interesting history I do not feel to be a person to be regarded as a representative for a Polish nation. My goal for whole my life was the opposite and I simply did not concentrate about „Polishness” at all. And rarely the way that Polish do. When my therapist once asked me about whether I am a patriot and asked me when I was in Secondary School I simply did not know what to answer. Today I would repeat rather my general attitude to the world. If someone is my friend I will not sell that person. But wait, what the nation actually is? Can we really relate to millions of people? This is extremely stupid and a task for people who feel so obvious blood connections whose history is scribbed into bloody identity shaping process and mainstream of collective national consciousness. This may make sense however I always see everywhere more nationalism of that darker kind. But believe me that my family for generations had respect to Polish nation. And maybe many times much more than 100% Polish leaders. My father had many opportunities to sell a dairy in Ryki as a director but he had never had impulses of that kind. On the other side try to look into 90s history of Poland. This is a story of theft. In terms of global categories. 1990s showed actually that Polish HAVE NO IDENTITY and hardly deserve own country. My grand grand grand father Mateusz Polański died in Powstanie Styczniowe in 1963. He was arrested and probably killed by sth like NKWD when my grand grandfather Józef was maybe 3 years old. I have probably last report of Russian police that enlist whole family members from that period. My grandfather Józef has learned to lead a distillery and to my knowledge for some time was a director of a few in today’s Belarus. My grandfather married Czech girl, did not want to have even a scrap of 100 ha field near Janów Poleski because did not needed. He fell in love with a „Gypsy” girl who did not needed anything that people of that time could call a valuable. Her younger sister died as a very young child in her arms in Puszcza Białowieska just bite by a poisonous snake!, her brother who more identified with a German identity died from heart attack in a tram in Gdańsk because was so scary German SS-man that once scared that some Polish start to talking to him, raised voice and started to accuse him of something publicly he was scared so much that died in that moment in public transport in the middle of second world war and probably never shot even one Polish whoever civil or a soldier. It did not make sense because my Czech/German ancestors have been workers in textil industry and travellers by nature. Not fighters. On the other hand, mother of my mother stemmed from Holland settlers on Polish territory and further genetic analysis can attribute my DNA of my generation to more than 10 European countries. So where is a piece of Polish identity to identify with?Maybe a bit more of my grandfather Kamiński who stemmed from region of Łódź – Kiernozia and was illegitimate son of a gentle woman with ancestry from Broszkowie and a coachmen to whom that lady fell in love doing a great mésalliance because she liked how he danced. Probably my ancestors of Polański surname however Polish by citizenship used to belong to Unitarian Catholic church what question their Polish origin and more attribute them to a mixture of Eastbound territory of Poland identity that was always a bit a mixture of Polish, Belarusian, Lithuanian, Russian, even Baltic identity is a very complex thing because there historically have been lands called Żmudź, Inflanty – probably lands of origin of Łukasz Polański who established whole further family attributed to Pokora family crest. When we add Tatar, Jews that lived in that region. The image of origin may get blurred even more. One my grand grand mother was of Tatar origin. So the whole image can be complex even from genealogical point of view. We do not need to take a look to a DNA research.
So some career milestones, pressures and challenges I personally encountered during my education has lead me to identify myself in terms of origin and investigate this a bit to be sure. Because instinctively I always knew where I felt like home but some real analysis can help to uncover what is hidden even to intuitive thinking.
I wrote in my life also essays for other people but I hate abusive world we live and I just do not continue career among gay people like J. Trzebiński or or trauma based rapists like M. Szczepaniak or E. Zdankiewicz-Ścigała. I also do not waste my energy to end up in boredom and that no one around will understand me but everyone will accuse me to be a politician so I resigned from SGH. And am now happy, satisfied, fulfilled, calm but feel also satisfied that I have spent some time to extend my horizons via studies, travels, readings and friendships that sometimes just sucks. People sucks as friends because leak. And leak because are monkeys. They treat their life not seriously but like a Split or Steal game. I talked to Justyna from Dębica for some time via Facebook when was writing some articles for doctoral studies. And realized that all reflection from my Facebook conversation become assimilated to the Facebook suggestions and categories, organisation of perception field around in artificial Facebook world. So Mark Zuckerberg spied me, robbed me and organized world thinking that actually I am better but did not say this ever publicly and what is more important. Did not pay me.
I interrupted career in Warsaw due to personal reasons, especially due to rapist behavior of women from psychology studies that tried to influence my life in every possible field; it was the hardest thing to explain to authorities of SGH and after years to the police when I had a lot of evidence, eg. to report especially thousands of emails I got to my mailbox that reflected issues I could associate with people among others I studied but not only – a mystery to be resolved by time; obsessed people who begin crime behavior usually repeat it – best seen on Facebook and widely accepted and stimulated by algorithms and policy of such media, but not only this way; I wrote many articles that covered methods of crime and for rapist provocative person this is enough to start that stupid game. But ageing woman are still threat. After 30 actually become most desperate and aggressive. Nothing to lose, nothing has left to hide in terms of negativity, aggressive motives etc.
And honestly, I felt exhausted, bored, not understood and girls in Warsaw just sucks. Are interested in coffee, kindergartens, silly small talks about nothing and many boring daily shit that can only talk with another girls. And expect only big money from such a shit. I much prefer just photographers. They have a chance to observe more because are more silent by nature.
Moved from ELECTRONICS CIRCUITS
Another passion similar to electronics began when I first interested in quantum physics during physics classes in Puławy and my passion to quantum physics lasts till today. However most of interesting articles I have read during my first years of psychology studies. Maybe psychology and its biological fundamentals inspired me more to study quantum physics than continue passion to understand quite obvious if not applied to engineering phenomenon of flow of electrons in a electric circuit. To this topic I got back when got interested again in artificial intelligence and it was mixed experience from heavy both university studies and my own readings. During reading I always take numerous notes. Once I was spotted in SWPS library by some doctoral posh student who thundered me with his eyes that I write so many objections to RTT theory of Strelau. But this was only a photocopy! But psychology professors always hated me. And „prosecuted”. So I did not persist my non-mockery self discipline of character till the end of so poor psychological studies in SWPS ;/. But defence of my Master Thesis in SWPS and my email to Teresa Gardocka who defended me as a professor, as a lawyer and was dismissed!!! deserves a separate careful introduction with all documents and carefully step by step not via that rapist rage the Jewish psychologist wanted almost destroy me during my studies. But I think there are also good Jews, not racist and rapist who think first before judge just a person for having stereotypes or not or whatever. I am afraid knowledge is to be judged not a person and their thoughts x-rayed etc. This is a bit immature to try to control everybody.. Not like that! But I think Trzebiński who had most stupid objections to me to my Thesis, to my knowledge in the field of statistics for psychology was just a Polish ignorant who got used to warmth of being someone during communism times.